I got really back into my game... but I've spent most of that time downloading even more crap and fixing things in SimPE. Don't you hate it when that happens?! Last time, Theodora and strip club honey Cashlin tied the knot and made a baby, but a search around town got her Theo-Approved-Man #2, Sean.
Where were we? Oh yeah, TIME TO FIRE UP THAT BABY CHUTE! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lady: AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW SHEEEEET
WHO? No, really. This lady just walked in off of the street.
Yahoo, first baby of the legacy! This is--
Theodora: AHEM. Gotta stop you right there. Hold this, please!
OhhhhhhhoHOHOHOHO YES. THAT'S RIGHT.
The first-generation multiples curse is still alive and well! I'm never escaping this shit! Actually, while I'm thinking about it: *immediately turns off quadruplets*
There's only two: the baby on the left is Nadia, a girl with Cashlin's hair and Theodora's eyes, while her twin is Aidan, a boy who got daddy's hair AND eyes.
Thankfully that birthing experience was really sexy for everyone involved!
But now I really need to double down and get Sean into the house! Having an extra pair of hands would be great, but really I'm looking for whatever cash he can bring in because holy shit, this family is broke as a joke right now.
He brought this old lady along with him, who is also a creepy tickler. :(
But the biggest offense?
IS THIS. OH HELL NO.
Cashlin: Why is this happening in my kitchen??
I DON'T KNOW BUT I DON'T LIKE IT!
Time to deploy the Emergency Theodora Flirt Squad!
Theodora: Um, 'scuse me grandma, but this is MY man turf you're stepping on.
Sean: Am I being fought over? :D
OH SHIT, I DIDN'T KNOW HE WOKE UP AGAIN.
Cashlin: AGAIN! AGAIN IN MY KITCHEN!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
Well, THAT didn't take long to ruin. Ever wondered why the US's marriage failure rate is so high? That's right, my game is probably to blame.
Sean: YES!! FIGHT FOR MY AFFECTION! WIN MY FAIR HAND!
It's probably for the best. I don't think these two need to have any more kids together with those smartz in the mix.
Aidan: WHO CARES? CAN SOMEBODY COME AND CHANGE US?
Since Cashlin bitches about having to sleep next to a dirty cheater, he gets to sleep in his own bed... outside. Beggars can't be choosers!
The next morning, the new nanny shows up. I haven't hired one for a long, long time! I'm not happy about it because the family can't even afford her, but Theodora is going to her first day of some new job and I don't trust Cashlin at all by himself.
Cashlin: zzzzz.... hate children... short smelly little bastards... zzzzzz....
As you can see.
Cashlin: Anyone mind if I eat the spare kid?
Aidan: NICE TRY, HANNIBAL LECTER
They immediately impress me by picking up the kids and cuddling with them!
Nanny: You call that cuddling? HA! YOU COULD NEVER HANDLE THE NANNY BIG LEAGUES! Step aside and let a pro handle this.
Criticism?! This offends Cashlin greatly!!
But that gives the nanny carte blanche to become a raging asshole and punt Charlie.
Cashlin: WAAAAHHHHHH STRESS EATING BWAAHHHHHHHH
She also takes it as an OK to physically assault Cashlin!
MM-MMMMMM, I SMELL A HATEBONER COOKIN' IN THIS KITCHEN!
Cashlin: WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIIIIIIIS
Theodora: Ah, bed... you feel so good after work...
Theodora: YEP! SOOOOOOOOOO COMFORTABLE!
Burying your children won't make them go away, Theodora.
Theodora: No silly, I'm going TREASURE HUNTING!!!
In a kinda creepy coincidence, a chicken is buried right by her front door. It's actually worth a couple hundred bucks and I should really sell it, but... it's cute! I have to keep it!
Henrietta looks cute next to Charlie, yes?
Feast your eyes on this amazing childcare we've got going on here. Please, please, contain your jealousy.
And here's Cashlin enduring some more abuse from Psycho Nanny.
Cashlin: WHAT'S THAT OLD HAG KNOW ANYWAYS! I AM TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME AT CUDDLING BABIES!!
Nadia: Support the heeeeeeeeeaaaad! *slides*
Cashlin: Would you look at that, my carpool is here! Gottagotoworkseeyabye!
The chump change that Theo gets from the ambulance job is nowhere near the hundreds of dollars that the nanny demands, so she takes it out on the family instead. BOOOOO! ):<
Taking the fridge so she can no longer feed her children? Totally reasonable.
She also vacuums up Cashlin's bed, which makes me laugh so hey, it evens out in the end!
Does she meet up with the matchmaker to practice those creepy-ass faces, or?
Theodora: She took OUR BED! WHINE WHINE PISS MOAN
Yeah yeah, but maybe she should turn around...
...because that same goddamn guy is back, stealing my lawn ornaments for fun because he's dead inside. It's true, just look at his face.
Theodora: I caught you red-handed this time, pal! DROP THAT BIRD!
I thought that if someone gets caught in the act of pocketing a gnome or a chicken or whatever, they would give up and drop it.
Not so here; this dude just stuffed Charlie straight up his ass and then has the audacity to be OFFENDED that Theo got mad over it. Oh yeah?
I think there are ways of solving this.
Theodora: BETCHA WISH YOU HAD A CHAIR NOW, BITCH!
Theodora: Oh, a baby! I completely forgot I had those!
Actually, me too! So they get a boring birthday out on the front lawn.
These pictures are from a few days later when I finally had a chance to take them! Sad little Nadia is freckly and adorable and really takes after Theodora! She didn't get the tilted eyes, though.
And Aidan is just boy-Nadia with different genetics. Pretty same-facey, sure, but I'm trying to worry less about having perfectly unique kids every gen and instead enjoy them being as cute as fuck.
Sean comes to visit, but Theodora is in a weird mood after work and gets upset about him touching her.
But it turns out that somebody doesn't like me repairing their relationship. Didn't he get a clue the first time she was macking on him?
Cashlin: I'D LIKE TO FILE A COMPLAINT ABOUT MY WIFE KISSING WHAT LOOKS TO BE HER COUSIN IN MY HOUSE.
DON'T CARE, NEED MONEY.
And money is definitely what we get! Sean brings a tidy eight grand into the house!
Cashlin: Just don't forget who rescues Charlie around here. YOU CAN'T REPLACE ME!
But the real question is: is it really that special when the robber has been corralled in the front yard all day?
THIEF: I'm sorry! I swear I'll never oppose fowlkind ever again!
Too late! RETRIBUTION MUST BE HAD!
I really like Sean, because he quickly adapts to the realities of living in a first generation legacy house.
Plus: he changes diapers!
Feeds the kids!
Even makes homemade pudding! Truly, he is a man of many talents.
Compare this to lazyass Cashlin, who is in bed ALL. DAY. LONG. He won't even read or daydream, just... lay there.
Cashlin: Thanks for taking care of my children, bro! A+ job. Now how 'bout some more of that pudding?
Aidan: Hmmmm, I propose a simple test.
Aidan: DAAAAAAAAAAAD, I SHIT IN MY PANTS
Cashlin: I HAVE NO SON.
Aidan: I'M SORRY I EVER DOUBTED YOU
Poor Aidan, some people just gotta learn the hard way!
Ohhhhhh, Sean is two for two! I'm seeing a future childcare champ here!
Nadia: It almost fell on me... 8(
Cashlin: B-B-BUT BEING CHEATED ON MAKES ME INCAPABLE OF WORKING!!
Yeah, right! You know he was going to fart around in his fruit salad undies all day regardless.
Still no promotion for Theodora, but at least she's excited about barely being able to pay her bills. Oh, and she brought this dude home from work with her.
RAMPANT THEFT YET AGAIN? Super Levi is coming to the rescue!!
Fuckhead Coworker: OHHHH NO. DON'T YOU GROWL AT ME YOU HAIRY LIL BITCH
Oh god! I always see sims flee in terror from an angry wolf, but he's not even scared?!
Geez. Who pissed in your coffee mug this morning?
Luckily for him, the tiny Robber Petting Zoo is already full up.
It's a good point to end the update so I'm stopping here! I'll leave you with a very touching family moment.
Sean: I HAVE TO PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Nadia: MOMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BORRRRRRRED
Theodora: I got thirteen thousand dollars out of this. Worth. It.
+ Pomerantz ISBI Stats +
|Repossessions:||0 → 1|
Thanks for reading! :D